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Life is Hard AND God is Good

Friday, February 22, 2019

I'm not quite sure how to begin today's post so I'll just cut to it--

Earlier yesterday, Dustin and I received the worst news.  Our birth mom decided to parent the baby.  The little baby, who we were so excited to call our son, hasn't been born yet, but she's made the decision to parent.

Please excuse me if my thoughts are jumbled because I'm still processing the news and my emotions.  Because we've been so open about the fact that we're adopting and our match, Dustin and I felt it was best to go ahead and tell everyone now as opposed to later for a couple of reasons.  Even before we got the news that she'd changed her mind, both Dustin and I had multiple people talk to us about our upcoming due date and arrival because everyone has been so genuinely excited for us.  People literally ask us every day and everywhere we go, and it would be so awkward of us for someone to ask us who hasn't heard.  And also because we still covet your prayers.

This has been such a confusing time for us.  We're angry, hurt, confused, and yet, I sympathize with her because I know she's bonded with that baby.  She's felt him kick.  And while we trusted that she would follow through with her word, I can't stay angry at her for her decision.  Yes, I've loved that baby since the day we were matched 4 months ago, but I've also loved her and prayed for her.  And this must be what God says is best.

We've both been blown away by close friends and family who have covered us in prayer and have spoken truth to us in this time.  Adoption is so hard.  Infertility is so hard.  The strong desire to be a parent without any success is so hard.  And we don't understand why God allows some things to happen, but He does.  I'm reminded that God is always good and everything He does is for His glory and our good--that is, to be more like Christ.  Dustin and I reminded ourselves that when we began this journey, all we have wanted is for God to be glorified.  So in the midst of our pain, we are trusting in Him and His plan for us and our future children.  Even when I don't understand what is going on and it hurts, He knows what's best.  He only does good things.  Life is hard because sin entered the world in Genesis 3 and the world has been groaning for redemption ever since.

I'm reminded of this verse from Paul's letter to the Corinthians:

"For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.  So death is at work in us, but life in you." 
-2 Corinthians 4:11-12

Our suffering here on earth is for Jesus' sake--He gets the glory through it all. 

Please pray for our hearts as we try to figure out what is next.  We so desire to be parents, but I'm so scared this is going to happen to us again.  We don't want to be ruled by finances, but the reality is, we've lost money now that she's changed her mind.  Pray that we trust God in His plan for us.


38 comments:

  1. Oh, Sarah. I will continue to pray over y'all and for the new mom as she has made a brave choice. I have known people walk through this same situation and I know God is writing an amazing story for y'all.

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  2. Praying for you both again- I’m so sorry.

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  3. I'm so so so sorry :( Saying prayers for you, and I know that you'll be a mother soon.

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  4. I'm so sorry for you. I hope that you are comforted by those around you - and that you are able to make your family complete soon. <3

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  5. Sending love and prayers to you and Dustin.

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  6. I am so sorry. I just know that really good news is right around the corner for you and your husband. I'll be thinking of you both.

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  7. So very sorry for you and your husband, I will be praying for you guys.

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  8. So sorry to hear this-continuing to send prayers!

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  9. My heart breaks for you! Sending prayers and happy thoughts!

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  10. My heart breaks for you guys! You remain in my prayers!

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  11. Your faith in the midst of so many trials is such a blessing to me, and others I'm sure. I'm praying for both during this difficult time and trusting that God still has big plans for your lives and a beautiful ending to your story.

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear this news. Thank you for sharing the highs and lows of your journey to become parents. I feel heart broken for you all and feel so connected to your story because you've been so good about sharing. I will be doubling down in my prayers for your family and know that God's timing will be perfect. Thinking of you and sending prayers of comfort to you and Dustin. Have this song on my heart for you this morning: God will make a way where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way for me.

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  13. There are no words. I know this is God’s plan for both of you but my heart still hurts for you and Dustin to hear this news. Sending love and prayers.

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  14. Praying for both of you. ((hugs))

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  15. Sending so much love and prayers. Your unwavering faith in God's plan is inspiring to so many, but my heart hurts for you.

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  16. OH i am so sorry to hear this. Praying.

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  17. You did so well to convey your feelings so eloquently here - despite feeling, as you say, with jumbled thoughts. The nobleness of your response it beyond impressive - what you are going through is supremely difficult - but it is so encouraging to hear you try to work through your emotions with such dignity, obviously guided by the Holy Spirit. I will pray for you. Bon courage xx

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  18. Your perspective is amazing and so, so God honoring! How inspiring to others who are also walking through tough times! Your openness and authenticity in sharing your pain and yet fully trusting in God's plan is so needed in this world! Am believing and praying for God's goodness and peace in your lives, whatever the next part of your story is.

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  19. Oh sweet Sarah my heart is breaking for you. I cannot even imagine this roller coaster of emotions. I am lifting up you and Dustin and your families. Love you sweet Sarah.

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  20. I had a terrible feeling about this when I saw your IG story this morning. Put the biggest lump in my throat. Heartbroken for you and honestly just praying a peace that surpasses understanding!

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  21. I read this and immediately no no no no hooooooo!! Came out of my mouth. I had noticed you weren't on ig and had hoped it was because you were meeting your baby. Oh Sarah. There are no words. I hurt for you and with you and am covering you in prayer.

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  22. I'm so very sorry; I will be praying for your birth mom and son as well as you both and your future. I'm so sorry.

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  23. I am so very sorry. I know it seems so unfair. You know how many of us lift you up and want only the best for you. Praying as hard as I can and sending every hug I have to give!

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  24. I am so deeply sorry. As an Internet stranger, but a sister in Christ, I am crying with you and covering you in prayer. Thank you for sharing so openly. I believe the Lord is already being glorified through you, but I am believing with you that this story is far from over. I pray the Lord would grant you the desires of your heart and give you an overwhelming peace in the meantime.

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  25. Sarah, I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry. You and Dustin are in my prayers.

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  26. I am so sorry and cannot imagine the emotions you must be feeling. I am praying for you and your husband. One thing I believe in with all my heart is that God does not ignore our deepest desires, and some way through God's timing, you and your husband will become parents. Hugs and prayers.

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  27. So very, very sorry for this setback. Sending lots of prayers.

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  28. Dear Sarah. I am so sorry. Praying for you. Sending you so much love.

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  29. I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you can rest a bit easier knowing He has a plan for you...and it is the PERFECT plan. God bless you both.

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  30. I'm so sorry - just heartbroken. I will be praying for your comfort and strength through this incredibly difficult time.

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  31. Oh Sarah I am so so sorry to hear this! I cannot even imagine the emotions that you are experiencing. Praying so hard for you all!

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  32. I am so sorry to hear this. Sending so much love your way.

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  33. My heart goes out to you and your husband and families. I appreciate your unwavering faith throughout this journey.

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